It can only end in two ways...

Much like what I would imagine it takes to convince Lady GaGa it's a bad idea to go through the remaining food groups with future outfits...so is getting over us.  It's a process.

I have no idea what stage I'm at in said process.  This is harder than I thought it would be because you seemed to understand me and really know me on a level few people ever have.  Okay, only one other person.  And it makes me wonder how many men out there can really "get me" on such a level.  And so...the process continues.

Even though I've been through break-ups before, I somehow feel like I'm in new territory.  I wasn't married to you after all.  Truth is, I tried to imagine that once...and oddly I really couldn't see it.  Not really truly see it.  I wanted to see it.  I could see the day to day stuff that we had already done together, but I had a hard time imagining some of the things that are intimate beyond a physical level, beyond cooking dinner or hanging out on the couch watching Everybody Loves Raymond.

Don't get me wrong.  I loved you.  I still do, if I'm being honest about it.  But I can't help but think that deep down - in that core instinct I seem to have - I knew that kind of intimacy, that kind of future was never going to be a possibility because you couldn't offer all of yourself to me and so...I couldn't really see it.

And that's a strange concept, considering that I am fully aware of how relationships work.  Every person you date is going to have one of two outcomes.  You're either going to break up, or spend the rest of your life with them.

Yeah, I know, it's a sobering thought.  But it's true.

I guess I knew which one you were going to be, but...to use your own words...I wasn't ready to let you go.

Maybe I'm still not quite ready.

Intelligent DT

So, yeah...I miss you.
Like crazy really.

Right now I should be working.  I have 3 projects that all require my attention and all I can think about are dangling participles and double entendres.

It didn't help that I read something someone wrote on FB this morning that said, "when a relationship ends it isn't the attraction you had with the person or the physical interaction you miss, it's your friend."

How many times have I said that?  Seriously?  It's so true.  That's what I miss.  My friend.  You.  The way you get my humor, even without me saying a word...just from the smirk on my face.  And vice versa.

Some of the best moments between us never needed words.

Part of me wishes that we could just hang out. Be friends.  Even if there was nothing else to it.  I just miss that.  So much.

Screw this...I'm not ready

I thought I was ready.
I thought wrong.

I'm not ready for dating again. Not yet. Damn you, B.A.
Why are men such idiots?  You included really.  I wish I could say otherwise, but seriously.  You know I'm right.  What you did was idiotic.  I'm not going to sugar coat it.  But at the same time, you showed me things I want from a relationship.  Things that are apparently much harder to come by than I'd thought before you.

Okay, maybe before you I just didn't know some of it existed.  I'm not sure if I should thank you or curse you for that.  Either way.  I've been out with 3 guys.  None of them measure up.  I think I'm done.

If God wants me to find "him" then God just might have to put him on my doorstep with a t-shirt on that says "This is 'the one'. Love, God".  Yeah...I think I'll just wait for that to happen. ::rolling eyes::