Screw this...I'm not ready

I thought I was ready.
I thought wrong.

I'm not ready for dating again. Not yet. Damn you, B.A.
Why are men such idiots?  You included really.  I wish I could say otherwise, but seriously.  You know I'm right.  What you did was idiotic.  I'm not going to sugar coat it.  But at the same time, you showed me things I want from a relationship.  Things that are apparently much harder to come by than I'd thought before you.

Okay, maybe before you I just didn't know some of it existed.  I'm not sure if I should thank you or curse you for that.  Either way.  I've been out with 3 guys.  None of them measure up.  I think I'm done.

If God wants me to find "him" then God just might have to put him on my doorstep with a t-shirt on that says "This is 'the one'. Love, God".  Yeah...I think I'll just wait for that to happen. ::rolling eyes::

Garble Garble

I guess I just don't know what to say that hasn't already been said.
Hence the Garbling.
Yes...it still makes me smile.  That word (garble).  It was always kind of adorable when you'd get tongue tied and shy and that would come spilling out instead of what you really may have wanted to say. :)

Don't get me wrong.  This isn't one of those heartbroken, gut wrenched posts.  I'm fine.  I really am.  But that doesn't mean I don't miss talking and laughing with you.  I do.

I miss your way of making a boring day seem ridiculously entertaining.  I miss your quick wit. I miss being able to send you texts about inappropriate things that make me laugh.  I miss my friend....and Scrabble.  I really miss having someone to play Scrabble with who doesn't suck royally.  Seriously.

Oh well...garble garble garble garble....

And We're Walking, We're Walking and...

...I might be "moving right along" but the damned scenery still reminds me of you at most every turn.

Even that hot guy...yeah, I went out with him.  But regardless of the fact that he looked a hell of a lot like Marky Mark (and you know I'm a fan of Mr. Wahlberg), all I could think about the entire date was you. And how dude would have probably needed the entire Funky Bunch to back him up enough to make me laugh and carry on even half the conversation you and I used to have.

I miss that.  I won't settle for anything less than that.

And those walls I used to give you grief about.  I learned a thing or two about construction from you.  Someone is going to need one hell of a wrecking ball.  I mean...I turned down another date with Marky Mark for heaven's sake.  Seriously.

It seems at this point, time is going to be both a friend and an enemy.  The more that passes, the less it hurts and the easier it is to walk among the scenery, think about you and smile.  However, the more that passes, the easier it is to get comfortable behind the walls, and fortify them.  I can't stop walking, though, can I?

What sucks the most...

...is that there are things that I just can't really share with anyone else at this point.  You're the only person who would "get it" or understand the significance of it.  And I'm really trying to keep my distance from you. But sometimes I need my friend...because he would totally get what I need to say or share!!!  And the fact that I can't just send you a text or call you and not have a care about doing so....well...that's what sucks the most.  Damnit.