I have no idea what stage I'm at in said process. This is harder than I thought it would be because you seemed to understand me and really know me on a level few people ever have. Okay, only one other person. And it makes me wonder how many men out there can really "get me" on such a level. And so...the process continues.
Even though I've been through break-ups before, I somehow feel like I'm in new territory. I wasn't married to you after all. Truth is, I tried to imagine that once...and oddly I really couldn't see it. Not really truly see it. I wanted to see it. I could see the day to day stuff that we had already done together, but I had a hard time imagining some of the things that are intimate beyond a physical level, beyond cooking dinner or hanging out on the couch watching Everybody Loves Raymond.
Don't get me wrong. I loved you. I still do, if I'm being honest about it. But I can't help but think that deep down - in that core instinct I seem to have - I knew that kind of intimacy, that kind of future was never going to be a possibility because you couldn't offer all of yourself to me and so...I couldn't really see it.
And that's a strange concept, considering that I am fully aware of how relationships work. Every person you date is going to have one of two outcomes. You're either going to break up, or spend the rest of your life with them.
Yeah, I know, it's a sobering thought. But it's true.
I guess I knew which one you were going to be, but...to use your own words...I wasn't ready to let you go.
Maybe I'm still not quite ready.
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