Do you even miss me?

I am struggling.

I miss you.

I feel like you died and I never got the chance to say goodbye.

And it doesn't seem fair.  After all, you were mine too...in a lot of ways.  But I don’t get the opportunity to acknowledge any of what happened between us. I don’t get to look you in the eye so I can see if any of it was real. Hell, I don’t even get to hear your voice again. Except on that one voice-mail where you told me to get rid of my ringtone. :)

And it’s just as I thought it would be if this ever happened.  I actually miss YOU.  Talking to you, laughing with you.  You just made my day brighter.  You brought joy and laughter into every conversation and that was always what I really looked forward to with you. Our conversations.

Don’t misunderstand, I know what you did was wrong.  But you also told me the man I knew was really you.  And I really miss you. Him. Us. Our friendship.  Most of all that.  Who am I supposed to send the picture I saw this morning of goat penises packaged for sale at a grocery store to? No one else will find that as ridiculously funny as me, except you.

Not only that...you treated me the way I want to be treated by a man.  With respect.  You were always a gentleman...even when you weren't being a gentleman. (and I know you will know what I mean by that)

And, of course, I wonder...

Do you even miss me at all?

I've Been Wondering...

I’ve been wondering how to tell you something.  How to explain all that lingers excitedly, slowly, patiently, impatiently inside me.  How to make you see what it is I’m going through...with you there.  Me here.  What seems like worlds apart.

I’ve been wondering how to tell you.  How to bring life to the words.  How to let you know that everything inside me twists into knots when I think of you.  That it seems like each thought of you makes the wind hesitate, the sun blaze brighter, the stars burn away.  How do I tell you this?  Make you understand? 

I’ve been wondering how to make it through the next minutes, hours, days.  How much longer must time meander by before I can feel your warm breath against my skin?  Glimpse your inviting, kissable lips as they descend upon mine?  Take in your scent as I take you in?  How?

I’ve been wondering how to tell you how I feel....when all I really want to do is show you.   I want to climb into your lap, straddle your waist and wrap my arms around your neck...pulling you close to me, kissing you relentlessly.  I want to whisper softly in your ear, giving you a glimpse of what I have in mind for us.  I want to entice you into bed...and give you every reason to never want to leave.  I want to show you this, and so much more.  Show you what real love is, what it looks like, what it feels like.  But I’ve been wondering....how do I tell you all that hides

within my heart?