Letting Go...

There comes a moment in every life situation when you just know.  You know it's time to walk away. Time to just let go...

That time has finally come.

"Walking Away"

It was one of those times
when tears filled my eyes
and all I could do was walk on.
In that moment my heart
was falling apart,
walking away felt so wrong.
“Don’t look back,
stay on your path,”
a quiet voice whispered to me.
“You can’t act on a whim,
you can’t run back to him,
you just have to let this one be.”
So with pain in my chest
and shortness of breath
I fought against the impact
of walking away
of wanting to stay
of wanting to just run back.

Do you even miss me?

I am struggling.

I miss you.

I feel like you died and I never got the chance to say goodbye.

And it doesn't seem fair.  After all, you were mine too...in a lot of ways.  But I don’t get the opportunity to acknowledge any of what happened between us. I don’t get to look you in the eye so I can see if any of it was real. Hell, I don’t even get to hear your voice again. Except on that one voice-mail where you told me to get rid of my ringtone. :)

And it’s just as I thought it would be if this ever happened.  I actually miss YOU.  Talking to you, laughing with you.  You just made my day brighter.  You brought joy and laughter into every conversation and that was always what I really looked forward to with you. Our conversations.

Don’t misunderstand, I know what you did was wrong.  But you also told me the man I knew was really you.  And I really miss you. Him. Us. Our friendship.  Most of all that.  Who am I supposed to send the picture I saw this morning of goat penises packaged for sale at a grocery store to? No one else will find that as ridiculously funny as me, except you.

Not only that...you treated me the way I want to be treated by a man.  With respect.  You were always a gentleman...even when you weren't being a gentleman. (and I know you will know what I mean by that)

And, of course, I wonder...

Do you even miss me at all?