What sucks the most...

...is that there are things that I just can't really share with anyone else at this point.  You're the only person who would "get it" or understand the significance of it.  And I'm really trying to keep my distance from you. But sometimes I need my friend...because he would totally get what I need to say or share!!!  And the fact that I can't just send you a text or call you and not have a care about doing so....well...that's what sucks the most.  Damnit.

That's...disappointing

It's seems like no matter what I might think one day... a day or two later I realize what an idiot I can be.
I get my hopes up...for what?  Just to get them stomped on and brought back down to reality.  People disappoint you.  Consistently.

Maybe you're on to something.  Maybe I should just blockade my heart, my emotions, my ability to hope, behind a fortress.  Maybe you could teach me how to do that.  How to convince myself I don't care...don't give a damn.  I'm beginning to see the upside to shutting that down. That can't possibly hurt as much as this does.

But if/when I do...it will shut down completely.  Good luck getting it back into the light of day.  My heart is kinda stubborn like that.  And right now...it's kind of shattered.