It's Been A While...

I've tried to refrain from writing here, mostly because it seems like this has been nothing but my outlet for talking to you when I know I can't. Saying things to you that I just don't feel like I should in the reality of a text message or a phone call. It's almost like this is my last hurdle to jump over before I can move beyond you. But I've realized something in the past few weeks.

There is no getting over you.

Now, don't take that the way is actually sounds.  I don't mean it in the sense that I'll always be heartbroken or pitiful.  I think we both know that just isn't me.  I don't do pitiful.  Well, not unless I'm purposefully using it to try to get my way (think puppy dawg eyes while biting my bottom lip...that always seemed to work).

What I really mean is...you will always be a part of me. Always. Something you said to me has resonated and made me realize this.  You said, "you and I had a unique chemistry that will be difficult to replace." And the reality is...it won't be difficulty to replace.  It will be impossible.  You said yourself, it was unique.  I don't honestly think either of us will ever find that again.

So...I have to hope/wait/pray for something just as good in it's own way.  Better would be great, but I don't really know if that's a viable option.  Our chemistry was pretty damned awesome and I don't want to be unrealistic by thinking I'll find something better and then get my hopes shot down. I'm not a big fan of the 'crash and burn' outcome.  Hence the walls I seem to have done a bang up job at building lately.