Praying for you...

So I found myself praying.  Nothing all that unusual for me really.

I started off praying God would...
help me be stronger.
help me smile when I thought of you instead of hurt.
help me stop missing you so much.
help me find what I had with you...only with someone who can give me back what I deserve in a relationship.


And, as I prayed for myself, I felt like I was being selfish.  I should be PRAYING FOR YOU!
Why?  Because, regardless of how things turned out...I love you.  And I want you to find some peace and find a way to be the man I know you have the potential to be.

So....this is the prayer I prayed for you:

Abba Father (yeah...I'm not really a "Dear God" or "Dear Lord" kinda girl),

It's just me.  Again.  I know you're probably tired of me asking you to take away the ache...so I'll let ya know up front, this one isn't about me.  It's about B.A.

I have no idea what's going on in his life right now.  I have no idea what he's really dealing with, if he's hurting, or weary from the journey down this path he's chosen.  But You do. You can see what's in his heart, You've always been able to, even at all those times I couldn't.
Even now.
You know what he needs to get him through this.

Abba, I pray You will give him strength, courage, and the desire to be the man I know he can be.  The man I saw so many times.  The man who showed me more than I thought I was capable of seeing.

I want him to be happy.  You know I do.  I have always wanted that for him, even before the truth came out.  That hasn't changed. It never will.  But You and I both know, he isn't going to be truly happy unless he can live this life free from the walls we build around ourselves.  Help him tear those walls down and let the truth in.

Help him to see the beauty in what is REAL, and the possibility in letting go and letting You have a little more control in guiding him.  I know he knows who You are.  I just pray he will cling to that a little more strongly and do what is RIGHT for him, not necessarily what he feels pressured to do.

Help him to somehow know he's being prayed for, he's cared about, missed, and loved.  Most of all, forgiven.  And Abba, I know it's going to be a doozy for him, but help him to forgive himself.  I've been there.  It's not easy.  And I'm not asking You to make it easy for him...just make it possible.

And keep him safe.  Keep him focused.  I know his job can be dangerous, and at times, his life could very well depend on him being focused.  So, please keep him safe.  I know at one time I couldn't imagine my world without him in it...but now that it is, I still can't imagine this one without him.

I'm sure I'm missing something, but You know better than I do what he needs.  And, yes, I'm going to throw in one last selfish prayer request...remind him how much I cared about him.  Still care.  And let him somehow know I do miss him.  Every day.

Amen.